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BEST OF 2011








OK then DONT GTFO

Plus THIS highlight of my year...thanks to all my stalkers for making me a blog-cess in 2011

Whitby Psych


The most notorious mental hospital in Ontario. I had ECT there in the 80's, but I guess now it is gone but not ... ... ... I can't remember what I was talking about??

NOW IT CAN BE TOLD...


I like how these "special features bonus" deleted scenes are both 3rd generation VHS from Canadian Television about 15 years ago, AND actually; fuck-all happens in them or is revealed to augment the theatrical cut. This one's STRICTLY for the hardest of the hardcore of Rambo fans only. Viewer Discretion is advised.

Dog Tax


I can only understand about 47% of what this guy is saying, but the other 53% is pretty funny, besides... he punched out shite band The Towers of London.I was gonna link thier name to one of their videos, but its so bad, I'm embarassed to give it any traffic, trust me, i got to about 0:07 before I had to turn it off.

XMAS DAY ITSELF - DAY #25


Totally relevant, meaningful, and worth all the hassle & expense. I'm being sarcastic. You will never change. You'll go through the whole process again next year, I'll bet you a million fucking dollars. Merry Xmas Ass-Hole!

THE TRUE MEANING OF XMAS - DAY #23

 This is what its REALLY all about...Check 'em

The Thrill of Discovery

Togetherness!

preparations

celebrations

Making an oil painting of a cat in a restrictive outfit

Remembering the "memories"
And then... Spaghetti fell out.

SANTA'S XMAS VISIT - DAY #22

Police in Covina, CA received a frantic 911 call around 11:30 p.m. on Christmas from neighbors residing around a Christmas party. Within three minutes they made their way to the scene and what they found was truly horrific; a home engulfed in flames and later eight bodies would be found.

Bruce Jeffrey Pardo is the prime suspect in the killing spree. He arrived at the home of his ex-wife's parents where he knew a traditional Christmas party would be occurring. Dressed as Santa Claus, he knocked on the door and waited for an answer. An eight year old girl rushed to the door, and when she opened it she was shot in the face. Pardo then began to shoot, indiscriminately, at every person in sight. The present that Pardo was carrying was a homemade flame thrower, which he used to completely destroy the home. Firefighters spent hours battling the flames before rescuers could even attempt to enter the home.

A total of eight bodies have been found so far, and Pardo's ex-mother-in-law, ex-father-in-law and ex-wife have still not been found, alive or dead. According to Ed Winter, assistant chief Los Angeles County coroner, the bodies found were severely burned and dental records will be necessary to identify the bodies.

 The eight year old girl who was shot in the face survived, and is currently being hospitalized. She is expected to recover. A sixteen year old girl and a woman who jumped out of a window in order to escape being shot are also hospitalized.
After setting the fire and the shooting, Pardo went to his brother's house where the police have concluded he committed suicide. The cause of death was a self inflicted shot gun wound to the head. A bomb was found in a rental car outside of Pardo's brother's home by police, and it exploded before it could be defused.
Pardo's motive for the atrocious crimes was believed to be revenge against his ex-wife after their divorce. The two were married for one year.

From HERE



XMAS TURKEY - DAY #18

 Turkey, the centerpiece of every traditional Xmas meal, is disgusting. Face it, it tastes like a sick chicken that has been in the fridge too long - it's gross. Gamy, strong, rarely cooked properly, the only reason people continue to buy and eat this mutant bird is because Monsanto has been genetically modifying it for years, increasing the amount of highly addictive tryptophan that occurs in its meat. This not only causes otherwise tasteful gourmands to choose to purchase this overpriced avian freak-meat, but is responsible for over three quarters of all highway fatalities on Xmas evening. You see tryptophan is not only addictive but causes extreme drowsiness, leading to drivers falling asleep at the wheel when driving home from family Xmas dinners, killing themselves, all passengers and anyone else they may crash into. I'm not sure how this benefits Monsanto industries, they just sick fucks, I suppose.

I just barfed a little.

NATIONAL SOCIALISM & XMAS - DAY #16

  It's no secret that Nazis LOVE Xmas. Its their favorite day of the year, next to Kristallnacht and Der Fuhrer's Birthday, and they embrace every aspect of this holiday with a rabidness similar to that seen at their many hate-rallies. This galvanizes my argument that Xmas is inherently racist, and if you need proof, I have photographic evidence;

Adolph Hitler and Santa

Nazi Paraphernalia

Typical Neo-Nazi Xmas Gathering

The face of modern fascism

So remember, if you celebrate Xmas, you are a Nazi, or at least sympathetic to their cause. End of argument!

ABJECT POVERTY & XMAS - DAY #15

   It must be great to be a Homeless Bum, not only do you never have to work, or change your clothes, or bathe even, but at Xmas, you totally proft! Proceeds from panhandling go up from 35-42% during the Holiday Season, and every soup kitchen and flop-house is doling out restaurant-quality hot meals, free, gratis, and for nothing! You can get;

1. Hot, freshly cooked turkey.
2, Stuffing.
3. Two vegetable.
4. Cranberry Sauce.
5. Gravy.
6. Kool-aid
7. all the "fixin's"

  And if you play your cards right, you can do the "circuit" and eat between 3 and 7 different meals at as many different charitable agencies.
   Useless winos and wasted bums really have it made during the festive season, half of the places give away free socks and you can have your pick of any item of warm clothing or blanket that people have donated. If any of these guys had a shred of ambition they could very well turn this opportunity into a thriving and profitable cottage-industry  re-selling this free shit, but of course they aren't poor because they have a surplus of motivation or any self-respect even. The brightest of the bunch merely lean hard on the "Whaaaa, poor me, I don't have anywhere to go, and I'm cold and (usually) hungry" bit and get small fortunes in chump change which they quickly convert into grain alcohol, ginseng brandy, or salted Chinese cooking wine.

Santa's Workshop 
   So, you see, Xmas isn't all bad. It is like manna from heaven for these parasites on society. The blind narcissism of "charitable giving" manages to keep thousands of indigents who would otherwise starve and die and reduce the numbers of those least able to contribute. Nice work there Jesus Freaks. At this rate, we will never get rid of the problem!

Thanks to you, this asshole's season is a little brighter.

XMAS, COCKTAIL PARTIES & CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY - DAY #14

  We're at this party given by these three "beatnik-dropout" types, it's the nineteen-eighties, we're crashing it; and they're actually pretteh cool with this idea.
 These 3 guys who "own" this apartment, they are all local celebrities (acid dealers). They; all three, got kicked out of high-school... all in the same year.!"
  These dudes should have been in a band. Tonight they were, they were preforming, informally for their gathered friends, en ensemble. The line up was;
 1. Wally Kewalski, drums (actually an assortment of cardboard boxes and cooking pots played with chop-sticks)
2.  Mickael Glassford, Thumb-organ; kazoo, chorus.
3. Blom Blommermen(not actual name); antagonistic strategies, drum-machine, acoustic guitar.

  People don't believe me when i say it....but these three guys are about to take over the world. maybe i did say that already? Then spaghetti fell out. Did I mention we had been "experimenting" with Psychedelics?
....they have LSD and it costs 5$ each so we buy five hits each and take it. There is pretty quickly in my estimation, something very very wrong w/ my brain! Also the tequila! That can't be good, I am going & vomit! The girls will shit out-doors! Most every body's so high they didn't notice. It makes me feel better. That, and the bitter icy-cold of the outside on the balcony where I had been vomiting off of.

"Festive Acid Blotter"

I thought I was gonna die!!! But, obviously, since I'm writing this now...I survived this weird episode; admit it, you're glad I made it out OK? Frankly, I am too, because...if I hadn't made it through that ugly stretch of self-actualizing dumbfoundment....
 The scene, if it can be fathomable, degenerated from here. Wally had been experimenting with Datura stramonium earlier that evening, and as its effects started to kick in, his high absolutely, hands down squashed everybody else's.. Let's just say it was sorta heavy. He was so stoned, that the actual air and physical reality that surrounded him began to perceptively distort. Things got quiet. Too quiet. We felt we should just leave.
  On the way home every single snowflake was electrified and shone this trippy blue-green lightning surrounding it. When I finally did arrive home (must have taken hours!) I was appalled to notice that the Xmas tree smelled like mom. There was something else I was going to include in this blog-post...
but I forgot what I was talking about...

"Please disregard EVERYTHING this man says..."
 

XMAS SHOPPING RUSH - DAY #13

Xmas Windows,
And all the Wondrous Things on Display
You're going to need all the money you've saved...
To buy that "Special Something" for that "Someone Special"

There's one last stop for the day

...to Treat Yourself!!! Xmas Shopping; It's Hungry Work!

XMAS: SECRETS & LIES - DAY #12

  At first I was expecting a shit-storm of adverse reactions from readers at Gog & Magog Blog. Torrents of objection to my systematic dismantling of the holiday season; but nobody seems to care. I was starting to think that maybe most people actually agree with me that Xmas is bunk (not to mention; for sissies) and my heart was warmed by these thoughts. It moved me to spearhead my big "Xmas Phase-Out" campaign where we move to celebrate the occasion bi-annually, at first, and then move it to 5 year intervals, before graduating to the third tier of my scheme, where it is removed all together. No one can talk me out of this excellent plan, and I think I can force enough people into believing in it too, if I just keep working those bus stops, dough-nut shops, and other generally public places. I feel like I can generate a lot of community support for this. I have confidence.
 Then, today, someone sent this e-card to my inbox.


   What is this even supposed to mean? Is it some sort of an insult? I don't understand, it is a protest message of some sort...
  Then the more as I look at it I start to get angry. Who do these fuckers think they're dealing with? I'm not sure either, but I'm gonna find out, I've got network monitoring software, and systems tracking devices; so, Mister Shitty-Santa, there AIN'T no SECRETS on the INTERNET, and I take these kind of veiled threats very, very seriously. I promise you, I'll track you down and make you pay dearly for sending this thing to my inbox. Don't think you won't pay! By Christmastime! You just watch your back because the next time you see me ... you WON'T see me.

XMAS CRIME WAVE - DAY #11

 Statistics show that criminal activity significantly increases at Xmas Season times. This is largely property crime, rising exponentially in relation to the spike in consumer activity, and the increase in cash/goods transactions. So don't call your Attorney just yet, unless you want him to rip you off too, because there has been no personal injury or physical abuse perpetrated here, there is no need for litigation just yet. It is all about valuables and cash. Money is flying around like a blizzard and valuable items are being proffered back and forth like fugazi C-notes at a 3 Card Monte game, so it goes without saying that there are certain sectors of our population who exploit this opportunity for gain. It's their Gift of the Season, actually more of a gift they see as being addressed to them, an Xmas Present from the Universe to Mr. Thief Using a crowbar to wrench open your hatchback outside the mall on Saturday afternoon, or a "special care package with love from your well stocked living room entered through smashed in back window from you unsuspecting homeowner who predictably is out at any amount of social engagements" Crooks are having a hey-day. It's ignorant, but poetic justice you might surmise... You see, with every orgy of consumerist gluttony, inevitably comes carrion to feast on the offal from this binge.
   There's a lot of goodies, brand-new and in-box, getting hauled by bandits, B&E's running rampant... Theft everywhere! You stupid Xmas-Likers simply have too much stuff! The Universe needs you to have less (except debt) and it sends its minions to correct this imbalance. You claim Xmas is to spread Joy and Goodwill, so why you mad? Every Villain, from your own child, who sneaks an extra christmas cookie, to the Most Exalted Don of the Illuminati Stock Fraud and International Money Market Manipulations Syndicate, is basking in  goodwill and reveling in joy because of YOUR gift to them. Now your face is red, isn't it, no wait, it looks more red on the one side, turn me the other cheek and I'll even it out for you.

SPLAT!
    As you can plainly see, Property Crime, Larceny, "Theft Over", Possession of Stolen Goods, and swiping stuff in general is  illegal activity that isn't so much arising around Xmas, but caused by Xmas itself, the sick flower of a diseased plant in corrupted soil, and the only way to get rid of this flash-mob riot of illegal activity is to eliminate the entire system. Kill Xmas and you Rehabilitate every Poor Helpless Criminal. Simple Gardener's Logic... Sage Wisdom, actually; if you want to kill a snake you must remove its head from it's body, which is kind of a trick, because you can tell a kid you don't like this, and he will believe you, and go and cut a rattlesnake's head off, then thinking it must be dead, he goes to pick up the head, but it still has enough nerve activity and venom to bite his hand and kill him dead. So There!

Photobucket
Kill the Head and the Body will Die (Sort of)
Animated GIF from HERE