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HALLOWEEN : FORENSIC REPORT (part 4 - Monday 31th October, All Hallow’s Eve)

  As I left you in my last Halloween posting, I was skulking around in the shadows, washed in shame and guilt, not to mention the horror I felt as witness to my own monstrous acts, but, despite this, the great day had finally arrived. To be honest, it had not been easy for me this year, and I felt that maybe I was “partied-out” but I certainly had not weathered the nightmarish storms of the last few days just to forego the piece de la resistance. Today is Halloween itself, the entire reason for the holiday and all celebrations surrounding it, so I couldn’t miss out, no matter how I felt. Besides, I had decided my best strategy to evade the authorities was simply to keep moving. So off to yet another round of debauched adventures is what it had to be.
  Finding a party was certainly no mean feat. Everywhere in town was swinging tonight, and I had my choice of dozens of prospects, but hearing that there were three (3) differently hosted events up at the local University, I wisely chose to visit those hallowed halls of higher learning and absorb some of the post-adolescent abandon that was sure to transpire on campus tonight.
  Arriving at around 8PM I first made my way to the Department of Medicine, where the Clinical Psychology Doctorates were throwing a "do". I was actually quite excited to hunker-down with all the future M.D.s, knowing full well the legendary amount Medical Students were purported to drink and drug. This party was in full swing when I arrived; totally off-the-hook with gallons of medicinal grade ethyl-alcohol and large bowls of misappropriated pharmaceuticals laid out like hors d’oeuvres. The future brain surgeons and psychiatrists were all crowded around this ad-hoc pharmacy, greedily scooping up large handfuls of un-identified pills and swallowing them down with laboratory distilled 110% proof home-brew. It was sick. The future of health care splayed out before me in a drooling, vomiting pile, writhing in a stupefied orgy of excess and chemical abuse. Most of them couldn’t even stand, or speak even, wasted beyond control and it was not even dark yet. The scene resembled some sort of perverse mental ward, only the staff were the patients, and no one was in charge, or coherent even. This was too much, even for me, so I decided to leave these festivities early, but not before stuffing my pockets with the assortment of opioids and psychotropic meds that they had on offer first.

The Future of Mental Health Care
 Next I made my way over to the computer sciences building where I had learned that the IT boys were hosting their own little shindig. Now I don’t usually waste my time hanging around with computer nerds, they act like if you don’t know what cloud computing is or how network monitoring software works, that you are beneath them and not worth talking to. They are essentially nerds who have figured out they have one thing they can hold over you, and then take to their new found snobbery with the ferocity of a starving wolverine. And they still don’t know how to party. Their party was a dud. There were 45 guys and one girl, and she was fat, ugly, and  steampunk…so…

I asked this guy how he felt about his future in computer engineering and he said; "Feels Batman"
  I was starting to think I was officially "over" Halloween for good now. All year I wait for this day, and every year it seems to be a railroad straight into disaster. This evening was proving to be emblematic of that analogy. Like Goldilocks, I had found the one “too much” and the other “too little” Would my third option be “just right”?
  This “third option” was, in fact,  a party in the Philosophy department. There are a lot of things you can study at university, and most students are there as part of a life-long path towards some sort of definable career, with the possibility, even promise, of gainful employment after graduation, but philosophy simply isn’t one of those things. Last time I perused the “help wanted” section of the newspaper I don’t recall seeing any jobs offered for the position of “philosopher” so it is with this knowledge that I surmised, quite correctly it would turn out, that these dudes would be the most nihilistic, bent, and determined, suicidal partiers ever. I entered a scene that could have been out of ancient Rome. All were dressed in togas, or naked, and danced serpentine movements as people read avant-garde poetry and played on ancient stringed harps. Small fires burned all around and what looked like a human sacrifice was taking place at the far end of the packed room. This party was GREAT. Honestly, I’m seriously considering enrolling into one of the colleges in this university next semester. Post-secondary education is the BEST and I partied with my future alumni until the early morn.

His Philosophy is deceivingly simple...
  Well, it took me the entire lost, long weekend to live it, and an entire month to get it written, but I finally made it through. The trials, and tribulations, the anguish and physical injury, aside, I remain with the knowledge of the one fact that I had survived. I lived through another year’s Halloween and emerged out the other side, a survivor, bloodied, yes, but unbowed and if nothing else having gained in the obstinacy and resolve necessary to carry on and face the greater evil that lay ahead of me now. A much more obsequious demon, and one I fear greater than any child’s game at pretend devilry, the ugliest, most threatening, darkest  time of the year…yes…Christmas.  Yet again that time of year is drawing nigh, and by the looks of it, from where I stand here, we’re definitely going to be in for some nasty, nasty shit.

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