HALLOWEEN : FORENSIC REPORT (part 1 - Friday 28th October)

Well, I knew I would over-do it this year, as far as the festivities surrounding Halloween go, but I am still shocked and amazed as to just how out-of-control things got for me. Four straight days and nights of alcohol abuse and partying, and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I did, where I was, and what did I spend all my money on? I lied in bed all day yesterday, suffering nausea and cold sweats... trying to put the shattered pieces of my mind back together, gripped with fear and shame, yet still not fully cognizant of the entirety of my self-destructive roller-coaster ride that was Halloween 2011.

I'm going to have to go over the wreckage several times, as fragments of horrifying stupidity and gut-wrenching embarrassment gradually solidify into my recovering mind. So I'll break my tale up into a few separate parts and hopefully, by week's end, I will have the story at least chronologically straight. I mean, it started out innocently enough. Fairly simple task- get a costume, go to parties...we shall see about that....

My first problem of the weekend past was just that...What exactly was I going to dress as? Seems like every year I feel totally obliged to wear some silly outfit-it is expected, right? Not that I'm so into "dress-up" but I do understand the basic logic that says, "If you don't wear a costume, you wont have as much fun!" even though I put off getting an outfit until the very last moment.

Its times like these that I can't make my imagination function-I had no clue as to what I would be, nothing...I kept walking to my closet and looking at my clothes. I never realized that I wear the exact same thing every day, and my regular clothes are probably the drabbest, plainest things I could get-black jeans-white t-shirts, plain grey shirts and sweaters, and an ordinary looking golf-jacket, kind of urban camouflage-you'd never notice me in a crowd...

So what am I to do? I'm too cheap to go buy something to wear, and there's no way I could build something...but wait...I have one thing...I own this weird Chinese vest...kind of a Nehru jacket with no sleeves, and I have an old-fashioned night-shirt the kind that goes down to my knees. So that's what its going to be-I shall be a racist stereotype!!!


 Alrighty then, I'm feeling a tiny bit of successful here, because, if you can't be scary, you can at least be offensive! My sense of triumph did not last however, as when we finally left the house to make our social rounds, I encountered a totally different problem altogether. I'll explain this step-by-step and you will be able to see what I mean....

Here's the first event we attended....

L to R; Wanker, Asshole, Ho, Loser, and Fuckin' Goof

You will notice that NOBODY is wearing a costume. Unless they are all dressed as alcoholic losers, but I doubt this crowd could be that clever. Worse than the no costume thing is they kept calling me Osama and treating me as if I were actually a Muslim extremist. The guy in the white shirt kept getting in my face and jamming his finger into my chest, alternating between homicidal rage and actual tears of sorrow for all the heros of 9-11, Frankly he was so wasted I couldn't really understand what he was saying, although he kept pointing at me and pointing at his eyes, letting me know he was watching me. I felt threatened and absolutely unwelcome here so we left and went to this party here...

 "douche-bag" was the most popular costume this year
Great! the overall theme this Halloween seems to be taking shape...no costume, gallons of booze, boy was my face red! Anyway, not wanting everyone else's lack of spirit to ruin my night, I bravely forged ahead. Just when I was about to give up my faith in my fellow man's ability to cut-loose and go wild, we finally arrived at this party...

now THAT's more like it
So, it's "one of those" kind of parties, is it?
My faith in humanity is restored
Winner of Best Costume Award
So Friday was not a total bust, and to be perfectly honest, the actual day and night of Halloween are really the only mandatory dress up times, but we still managed to get crazy and go wild. In fact, I wasn't even sure how I got home that night until my neighbor showed me a pic she snapped of me arriving home at 6am. Good thing I left the car at home!!!

don't drink and drive
OK so that seems to cover Friday night adequately, and at least that one corner of my booze-addled brain is sorted out, but there are still 3 more days and nights of celebrating for me to cover, so tune in tomorrow for part two of my attempt at bringing the details of this historic weekend into focus...and yes...it does get worse!

1 comment:

  1. Why do you hate are freedoms, gog?

    ReplyDelete

SPEAK, FOOL!