It's girl guide cookie selling time again this year and I can't hardly wait! Not only do I completely LOVE girl guide cookie selling time, but I have also hatched a scheme whereby I will totally get RICH from it too! It happened upon me last year when one of these little girls in the uniform comes to my door, and when I looked at her, having already fallen for the gimmick and purchasing a box, I decided that I could do the whole racket for myself; I could get me a little girl and put her to work for me, selling cookies, and this could generate some serious revenue.

Serious Revenue

  However, I needed to procure myself a small girl child to make this plan fall into place. This I accomplished very easily. I simply hid behind some bushes up the street a block ahead of the girl scout I had just been doing business with, and waited for her to come past. I then grabbed her and abducted her back to my home, or more specifically, my basement, where she has been all year till now as finally I can put my operation into play. When I originally got her, she came complete with the uniform and even a supply of cookies, so my overhead is more or less completely covered, I will see nothing but immediate returns on my investments, and it will be pure profit from here on out.

Opportunity Knocked

   I was a little afraid she was going to maybe try and run away when I let her off her leash to go up to each person's door, but I think she really believed me when I promised her I would kill her mother (and dog) if she so much as thought about escaping, and that seemed to work fine. also I put thumb tacks in her shoes so it would be too painful for her to get too far too quickly, just in case..

Nevar Forget

  The overall endeavor was an unmitigated success. people had given her much more than the inflated asking price of the cookies I had set, taken with great gestures of charity at this child's wasted vacant visage, and I pulled a solid $450 for a mere 20 boxes of year old cookies that didn't cost me a dime. I was feeling pretty good, until I got "girl guide" back home and realized we had completely depleted our stock of merchandise and I would have to buy, or even worse, make, cookies next year if I wanted to repeat this fantastic money generating scheme, also her uniform was getting awful dirty and kind of too small for her, so there was a whole other expense in itself right there.

How quickly they grow...
  Just as I was giving up on the idea of keeping "girl guide" for another year, and more importantly, wondered how I would get rid of her, I remembered it is the annual Community Bar-B-Que and Chili Bake-Off next week, and as I size her up in her cage, I see right there how I can make the best Bar-B-Que Sausage Chili ever and win the $1000 grand prize..

``mechanically separated``

``may contain traces of girl guide``

$$$ Great Profit $$$

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous9:13 PM

    Oh my god your a terrible person!