It's girl guide cookie selling time again this year and I can't hardly wait! Not only do I completely LOVE girl guide cookie selling time, but I have also hatched a scheme whereby I will totally get RICH from it too! It happened upon me last year when one of these little girls in the uniform comes to my door, and when I looked at her, having already fallen for the gimmick and purchasing a box, I decided that I could do the whole racket for myself; I could get me a little girl and put her to work for me, selling cookies, and this could generate some serious revenue.
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| Serious Revenue |
However, I needed to procure myself a small girl child to make this plan fall into place. This I accomplished very easily. I simply hid behind some bushes up the street a block ahead of the girl scout I had just been doing business with, and waited for her to come past. I then grabbed her and abducted her back to my home, or more specifically, my basement, where she has been all year till now as finally I can put my operation into play. When I originally got her, she came complete with the uniform and even a supply of cookies, so my overhead is more or less completely covered, I will see nothing but immediate returns on my investments, and it will be pure profit from here on out.
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| Opportunity Knocked |
I was a little afraid she was going to maybe try and run away when I let her off her leash to go up to each person's door, but I think she really believed me when I promised her I would kill her mother (and dog) if she so much as thought about escaping, and that seemed to work fine. also I put thumb tacks in her shoes so it would be too painful for her to get too far too quickly, just in case..
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| Nevar Forget |
The overall endeavor was an unmitigated success. people had given her much more than the inflated asking price of the cookies I had set, taken with great gestures of charity at this child's wasted vacant visage, and I pulled a solid $450 for a mere 20 boxes of year old cookies that didn't cost me a dime. I was feeling pretty good, until I got "girl guide" back home and realized we had completely depleted our stock of merchandise and I would have to buy, or even worse, make, cookies next year if I wanted to repeat this fantastic money generating scheme, also her uniform was getting awful dirty and kind of too small for her, so there was a whole other expense in itself right there.
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| How quickly they grow... |
Just as I was giving up on the idea of keeping "girl guide" for another year, and more importantly, wondered how I would get rid of her, I remembered it is the annual Community Bar-B-Que and Chili Bake-Off next week, and as I size her up in her cage, I see right there how I can make the best Bar-B-Que Sausage Chili ever and win the $1000 grand prize..
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| ``mechanically separated`` |
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| ``may contain traces of girl guide`` |
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| $$$ Great Profit $$$ |
Oh my god your a terrible person!
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