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FULL COVERAGE of my MEDICAL EMERGENCY

 I got a call, the other day, from the Front Desk of my Attorney, "Double-Double" Medjuck. His secretary had phoned to inform me that I was to waste no time in getting myself immediately to the offices of his employer's Law Practice downtown, post-haste, and without delay, as it was a matter of great urgency and time-sensative importance, and also, was of such a "delicate" nature that neither could he discuss it over the phone.

Reception Desk
Frankly I was a little worried. I've done so many ridiculous things I tried to remember which of my escapades could have resulted in litigation pending towards me? There's quite a checklist, personal injuries, destruction of property, criminal endangerment, recklessness. That's just the stuff I can remember, usually, I black out and god knows what I get up to then, anyways I'm right out the door and down the office of my Lawyer. He can sort me out.

I get to the building, with his suite of well-appointed offices situated atop an ambulance dispatch service (all drivers give out his cards) and I hurry up the fire-escape which "doubles" as an entrance (my pun) In the reception area, his secretary, who was reading a well-thumbed Michael Moorcock novel, looks up at me like he doesn't know why I'm here, or what I'm doing there.
"I'm here," I announce,"I got here as fast as I could, what's the deal? Where's Doubles?" I'm out of breath and all excited.
Secretary-boy is nonplussed. "He's not here. I don't know when he's coming back" Then he looks kinda disappointed at what has to come next. "You can have a seat over there and wait for him" he waves his paperback wetly at the stackable chair over in the corner, and turns his back to ignore me, looking at his computer screen for a second, scratching at a zit on his earlobe briefly, then shuffling the mouser around pointlessly for 3.2 seconds until finally resuming reading his much more engrossing book.

"an engrossing read"
   I sat there for a while tapping my feet in time to the failing florescents and looking around the dingy office. I slowly took my time, when reading the one magazine he had on hand, a copy of the International Brotherhood of Dry Cleaning Employees Newsletter,and  biding my time, I savored every article and photoplay, reading through every classified, studying the front and back covers: both, intently, whieghing the complete article in my hands, and eventually, ultimately, viewing it from all angles, before tossing it, and settling in to just sit there impatiently-like with arms folded and huff and wheeze loudly, staring at the back of the secretary-guy's head.

  Something in his book made him laugh a bit and I laughed too, a fake laugh, because I had no idea what he was reading. He turned around and looked at me, meaning that I should "shut up"

  An Hour, and forty-five minutes later, the door to my lawyers private office opens. He ignores me and addresses his secretary only, all business; "Send him in, I'll see him now."

Inside Medjuck is in a serious mood, as my attorney he must inform me that I have problems. The problem I have is that his revenues are down, and as my legal council it is his duty to inform me that something must be done to remedy this situation or there will be dire legal ramifications for us all, but mostly me. Then I would be on my own, he informs. I'm not an expert in legalese but this sounds bad, I'm confused and I don't know what to do, but fortunately my Lawyer is the best in the business and he has a solution readily at hand.

"I want you to pay a visit to this doctor" he says, writing down a name and address. "He works very close with my organization, and is the tops in his field. I want you to do exactly as he tells you. But I'll warn you, he's eccentric. A brilliant doctor, but not really my type of person..." at this his voice drops off sourly, and as he hands me the paper, he grimly adds "even though ... he is ... my brother..." and with this he looks away in disgust, verklempt, and bidding me to exit his sanctum with pained, curt, flicks of his hand.

So I high-tail it across town to the offices of one Kleinholz Medjuck, Doctor of Neurosurgery, the mysterious brother who I've only now just learned the existence of. Its on a fancy street, with stone mansions, so he's obviously done pretty well for himself, and if I hadn't been so comforted by the sheer wealth of the surroundings, and reassured in the trust of my impeccable legal council, I might have been a little put off by the good doctor's appearance at first.

der gute Doktor
   He had an unfortunate and pronounced nervous tick, seizing up in a full body spasm every 30 seconds or so. Also whenever he had to read something he held the paper right up to his face about 2 millimeters from his eyeballs. Despite these cosmetic drawbacks, his bedside manner quickly put me at ease. He told me a long rambling story about "The War" and his devotion to Science, and frankly it was all a little difficult to understand, but relaxing and soothing enough and this MD seemed like a real class act so I agreed then and there and more-or-less consented, when he proposed, triumphantly, that surgery, immediate surgery was to be the call of the day. Before I knew it he leaped on me with his syringe and that's the last thing I remember.

I guess I'm OK, I don't feel any worse for wear, having just had major surgery and all, but for some strange reason, every time I see a picture of a hippopotamus I smell bananas.
  I'm not really sure what procedure was performed on me, but Doctor Medjuck did kindly provide me with a video taped cassette recording of the whole operation, which he had specially commissioned the incomparable; Vangelis ... to specially compose an original soundtrack for.
This guy has connections!


A personalized VHS record of my ground-breaking brain surgery, with original score composed specifically for the occasion by...
The  Incomparable Vangelis

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