There was this guy in grade 9 who was not actually a complete albino, but mostly an albino...so he had shock white hair, thin, palest ever skin, weak eyes, not pink, but really, really light grey. Due to his pigmentation he also had a propensity to turn bright red at the drop of a hat.
On top of this he was overweight, dressed poorly, bad grooming with the "neck-beard" also totally white but only growing from his neck and not on his face. What can you say, he was from a poor family, and a broken home, some people are just less fortunate. He wasn't the smart one either, in fact, he was dumber than a box of dogshit.
So this kid's name was Armando Ambrozik and I would say he did a pretty good job of fitting in, we noticed he was different but we didn't bully him. We bullied other kids, but 'Mundo was off-limits. probably because he was the biggest kid in the class on account of his having flunked grades three, one, kindergarten(!), and grade four twice! Like I said, he wasn't the brightest light on the tree.
Still, he managed to make it to grade 9, and we're in Biology class with Mr. Hubert. Mundo is sitting right up front, because he's legally blind, deaf in one ear, and since he's so stupid he has to try really really hard to learn anything and hopefully not flunk enough to graduate. Today's lesson is "The Alimentary Canal" and we are studying the human digestive systemZZzzzzzzzzzz ... Oops, sorry I had a bit of a flash-back and was right back in high school there. He's educating us about human anatomy by describing the route a piece of food takes through the human body.
Mr. Hubert is droning on about the various organs and their functions, and how they process food, our digestive system etc etc etc. Most of the class ignores him, except 'Mundo, who hangs on every word, leaning forward in his desk and cupping his ear.
Here's the kicker, when Mr. Hubert finally gets to the end where he discusses elimination, "Mundo, who is actually grasping the concepts discussed here, kind of starts to see where this is leading, and he is beginning to writhe in his seat, noticeably uncomfortable, confused, and worried in turns. He's looking at Mr. Hubert with a sort of a panic. Mr.Hubert is pointing at a diagram chart, and addressing his remarks mainly to "Mundo, seeing his agitation, playing to the excitement that inevitably leads to further learning in the engaged student. Also 'Mundo was the only student who ever paid any attention, so...
Anyways, Mr Hubert is saying " then, as the organism eliminates solid, semisolid or liquid waste material from the digestive tract via the anus, waves of muscular contraction known as peristalsis in the walls of the colon move fecal matter through the digestive tract towards the rectum"
Now "Mundo is about to burst, it's like "this can't be..." he's looking around to see if anybody else is picking up on what Mr. Hubert is about to totally say out loud in front of the entire class, we're actually all paying attention to 'Mundo now, though, because he's acting like a frightened animal, a confused dog or something.
"Mundo is almost raising his hand and hesitating, shaking, saying "but, but..." as Mr Hubert continues..." ...and class, this is what we refer to as a ..."
'Mundo lets out a gasp.
"...Bowel Movement." he mouths the words and slowly turns to look, as we all are at Armando, who has gone back to some feral place. Its like the apes in "2001 Space Odyssey" something evolved within him. The gravity of this lesson had him momentarily in awe, he's speaking out... "you mean you don't call it taking a...but...I never knew you could..." and it has dawned on him, there is a polite, technical name for a function he never thought could have one.
Then his demeanor changed. He began to giggle. He's beet red and his titter turns to stifled guffaws and then as the contagiousness of his mirth spreads through the class we're all laughing We are laughing at 'Mundo laughing at the idea that shit has a proper name and how stupid he is and how funny he looks, and he's busting right out now shouting gails of laughter, doubling over, tears streaming down his fat red face, it's overkill, he's rolling out this "Ho Ho Ho" belly laugh, and as he is Marty Reddik jumps up and squeals over the noise, pointing, "HE'S SANTA! LOOK! HE'S SANTA!" and 'Mundo totally DID look like Santa! With the beard and the fatness and now the Ho Ho Ho-ing! The whole class can't believe it, why hadn't we put this together already? Armando Ambrozik IS Santa Clause! Even Mr. Hubert is kind of amused, you gotta expect the kids to giggle a little in certain classes when these type of subjects come up, but "Mundo certainly did bear an uncanny resemblance to jolly old Saint Nick, and it was pretty funny. From that day on, we christened him "Santa" and we never, ever used his real, given, legal name again.
I don't know what became of Santa, but that's my favorite Xmas story, and it always makes my season bright.
On top of this he was overweight, dressed poorly, bad grooming with the "neck-beard" also totally white but only growing from his neck and not on his face. What can you say, he was from a poor family, and a broken home, some people are just less fortunate. He wasn't the smart one either, in fact, he was dumber than a box of dogshit.
So this kid's name was Armando Ambrozik and I would say he did a pretty good job of fitting in, we noticed he was different but we didn't bully him. We bullied other kids, but 'Mundo was off-limits. probably because he was the biggest kid in the class on account of his having flunked grades three, one, kindergarten(!), and grade four twice! Like I said, he wasn't the brightest light on the tree.
Still, he managed to make it to grade 9, and we're in Biology class with Mr. Hubert. Mundo is sitting right up front, because he's legally blind, deaf in one ear, and since he's so stupid he has to try really really hard to learn anything and hopefully not flunk enough to graduate. Today's lesson is "The Alimentary Canal" and we are studying the human digestive systemZZzzzzzzzzzz ... Oops, sorry I had a bit of a flash-back and was right back in high school there. He's educating us about human anatomy by describing the route a piece of food takes through the human body.
Mr. Hubert is droning on about the various organs and their functions, and how they process food, our digestive system etc etc etc. Most of the class ignores him, except 'Mundo, who hangs on every word, leaning forward in his desk and cupping his ear.
Here's the kicker, when Mr. Hubert finally gets to the end where he discusses elimination, "Mundo, who is actually grasping the concepts discussed here, kind of starts to see where this is leading, and he is beginning to writhe in his seat, noticeably uncomfortable, confused, and worried in turns. He's looking at Mr. Hubert with a sort of a panic. Mr.Hubert is pointing at a diagram chart, and addressing his remarks mainly to "Mundo, seeing his agitation, playing to the excitement that inevitably leads to further learning in the engaged student. Also 'Mundo was the only student who ever paid any attention, so...
Anyways, Mr Hubert is saying " then, as the organism eliminates solid, semisolid or liquid waste material from the digestive tract via the anus, waves of muscular contraction known as peristalsis in the walls of the colon move fecal matter through the digestive tract towards the rectum"
Now "Mundo is about to burst, it's like "this can't be..." he's looking around to see if anybody else is picking up on what Mr. Hubert is about to totally say out loud in front of the entire class, we're actually all paying attention to 'Mundo now, though, because he's acting like a frightened animal, a confused dog or something.
"Mundo is almost raising his hand and hesitating, shaking, saying "but, but..." as Mr Hubert continues..." ...and class, this is what we refer to as a ..."
'Mundo lets out a gasp.
"...Bowel Movement." he mouths the words and slowly turns to look, as we all are at Armando, who has gone back to some feral place. Its like the apes in "2001 Space Odyssey" something evolved within him. The gravity of this lesson had him momentarily in awe, he's speaking out... "you mean you don't call it taking a...but...I never knew you could..." and it has dawned on him, there is a polite, technical name for a function he never thought could have one.
Then his demeanor changed. He began to giggle. He's beet red and his titter turns to stifled guffaws and then as the contagiousness of his mirth spreads through the class we're all laughing We are laughing at 'Mundo laughing at the idea that shit has a proper name and how stupid he is and how funny he looks, and he's busting right out now shouting gails of laughter, doubling over, tears streaming down his fat red face, it's overkill, he's rolling out this "Ho Ho Ho" belly laugh, and as he is Marty Reddik jumps up and squeals over the noise, pointing, "HE'S SANTA! LOOK! HE'S SANTA!" and 'Mundo totally DID look like Santa! With the beard and the fatness and now the Ho Ho Ho-ing! The whole class can't believe it, why hadn't we put this together already? Armando Ambrozik IS Santa Clause! Even Mr. Hubert is kind of amused, you gotta expect the kids to giggle a little in certain classes when these type of subjects come up, but "Mundo certainly did bear an uncanny resemblance to jolly old Saint Nick, and it was pretty funny. From that day on, we christened him "Santa" and we never, ever used his real, given, legal name again.
I don't know what became of Santa, but that's my favorite Xmas story, and it always makes my season bright.
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| "Who's Disappoint now, Son???" |
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