It's that time of the year again. I wont even try to be cute. I get so fucking angry. That's right. It's Tax Time. If I so much as imagine giving even one penny to the Tax Man, my blood boils. Literally. I should sue them actually. Boiling blood is terrible. If it gets in your circulation it can cause great stress and discomfort, and even serious personal injury, which may result in hospitalization, and expenses into the thousands, not to mention loss of earnings, and diminished ability towards future work and earnings, through permanent irreversible disability!
Fortunately, AdSense pays shit, and I haven't even cracked half-way to the officially sanctioned "Canadian Poverty Line" which is set by Federal Government as 35K or some such other baloney, so I wont be needing the services of any Accredited Forensic Accountancy Experts, Professional Court Witnesses, or Extended Liability Coverage Insurers of any kind. All I have to do is print out AdSense's "Statement of Earnings" for each month of the fiscal year ending December 31, 2011. This is found in the "Payments History" of your AdSense account. They even translate it into Canadian for you, automatically and everything. From there I simply go to get my free Canadian Tax Form from any post office up here in Canadia, fill out my name, info, address, (don't forget to claim the GST rebate or you wont get it) and submit zeros all across the line. It doesn't really matter how you fill out the number-crunching part, because down at Revenue Canada they have a Junior Accountant locked in a broom closet, going over each and every fucking form that gets sent in, and correcting every one anyways, so just make sure you staple the print-outs of each month's earnings to the front of the whole thing, and they will do it for you. I actually only made more than $100 (the monthly earnings minimum to merit pay-out) six times, so it gets even simpler. I'll break it down for you with this ultra-streamlined, super-simplified, easy-to-understand checklist;
GOG's SIMPLE STEPS to TAX TIME for DUMMIES
1. Make more than a hundred dollars each month blogging
2.Print out statement of earnings*
3. Get Canadian Tax Form and Guide
4. Make sure you have a stamp (important)
5.staple everything to tax form
6. Mailbox &
7. Throw your copy in the garbage and wait 4-6 weeks for the postman to bring you your sweet, sweet rebate cheque. I think its $200 or something around there.
*(Note; if they ask you anything about the missing months where you didn't make enough to get paid, just tell them you are unemployable and that's why you are a blogger. This will get them to leave you alone.)
If, and I would rather not even discuss this part, if you have made significantly more than $35000 and you absolutely must remain in Canada, I would have to say that you could find yourself to be entirely hooped my dear friend, and if you want to avoid the wrath of "Collections", you will need to actually (cringe) Pay Tax on Your Income. Of course, you would have a small fortune of monies that you earned for doing essentially nothing at all (well, nothing much, anyways) and I think you could at least suck it up a little and do this one tiny thing! Besides, my Attorney (pictured) instructed me specifically that I was not to; advise, council, or in any way suggest to readers at GOG&MAGOG to commit and/or engage in any form of Tax Evasion, Fraud, or Flight from Prosecution thereof. Just Be A Grown-Up! Learn to do simple Tax Return Forms (it comes with an instructions) I know it's boring, but those taxes aren't going to pay themselves. That's why we sell advertising!
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| My Legal Council; Akiva "Double-Double" Medjuck |
